Tip #14: Self-Compassion Journal

In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we can often be very understanding and kind to others. But when it comes to ourselves, everything is different – pressure, self-criticism and the feeling that we should “handle more” appear. Especially with the new year, these feelings can increase and make us anxious or exhausted. Instead of New Year’s resolutions and additional pressure to perform, we recommend starting a self-compassion journal.

The Self-Compassion Journal is based on the approach of Kristin Neff , who has long been researching self-compassion and its impact on mental health. We wrote about it in tip #13 . It's not about positive thinking or denying difficulties. On the contrary - it's a way to relate to yourself truthfully, kindly and with respect .

What is a self-compassion journal?

It is a short, structured note (often only 5–10 minutes) that helps:

• to slow down and realize what we are experiencing right now,

• reduce internal pressure and self-criticism,

• strengthen the feeling of inner support and security.

  
  

The basis is three simple principles:

1. Mindfulness – noticing what is happening without judgment.

2. Shared humanity – reminding ourselves that we are not alone in our difficulties, that other people in the world experience similar feelings as we do.

3. Self-kindness – speaking to ourselves as we would to a close friend.

   
   

What might such a record look like?

Every night before you go to bed, grab a journal or notebook and take a mindful moment for yourself. Take two deep breaths in and out, becoming aware of your feet touching the ground. Grab a pencil and ask yourself three questions:

• What do I feel now?

• What was difficult for me today (what specific situation and how did I feel about it)?

• What do I need to hear or allow myself to do now?

  
  

The note doesn't have to be long or "pretty." A few sentences are enough. For example:

Today I feel tired and tense. It’s hard for me to stop because I feel like I should always be dealing with something. What I’m going through is not weakness. It’s a reaction to a long period of pressure and responsibility. It makes sense that I feel this way. I’m not alone. A lot of people, especially women who give a lot to others, feel the same way. I’m not broken—I’m just someone who has a lot going on right now. If my close friend were here right now, I would say to her, “You don’t have to be perfect. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean you’re failing. You have the right to be tired.” I need to slow down and disconnect for a while. Allow myself to do no more.

Even though it's hard right now, I can be gentle with myself. I'm doing the best I can.

Why does a self-compassion journal work?

Regular short notes help calm the nervous system, create distance from overwhelming thoughts, and gradually change the way we relate to ourselves. Not because everything will be solved immediately – but because we are not alone in this. It is not another task on the list. It offers an invitation to a relationship with ourselves that is based on understanding and acceptance, not performance.

How to start a self-compassion journal?

If you decide to start a self-compassion journal, here are a few tips to keep in mind. The first step is to choose a quiet place where you feel comfortable. You can also create a pleasant atmosphere - light a candle or play soothing music.

Another important step is regularity. Try to set aside the same time every day. It could be in the morning after waking up or at night before going to bed. The important thing is to take time for this moment and dedicate it only to yourself.

What benefits does a self-compassion diary bring?

A self-compassion journal can have many positive benefits. It helps us better understand our own emotions and thoughts. It teaches us to be kinder and more patient with ourselves. We can realize that our feelings are normal and that we are not alone.

This process also allows us to process stress and anxiety. When we write down what is bothering us, we can better process it and find solutions. A self-compassion journal gives us a space for reflection and self-reflection.

Conclusion

If you're looking for a simple yet profound tool to take care of yourself during difficult times, a self-compassion journal can be a great guide. It can help you improve your well-being and reduce stress. Remember, every day is a new opportunity to be kind and understanding to yourself.

Author: Veronika Veselá

Source: Self-compassion, Kristin Neffová, Ph.D. (Maitrea, 2023)